I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
