Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
