I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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