Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
