Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
