she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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