I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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