This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize