Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
