I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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