I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize