I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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