I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
