yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
