I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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