i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
