before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
