I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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