Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
