Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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