Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
