now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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