Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want to make out with him forever
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
