if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
