There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
