Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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