my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
