I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
