just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
