If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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