I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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