Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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