I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
