hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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