your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
