Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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