I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
