can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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