Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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