I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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