Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
