So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
