Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
