i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My ass is underappreciated
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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