By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My vagina is officially offended.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
