we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize