dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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