I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
