***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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