he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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