Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
