The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
