i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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