he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're a disaster
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