maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
