Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize