If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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