you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize