Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
