this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
