My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
