yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize