I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
