my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
