I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
