I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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