It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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