two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
