he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
