they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
