Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
