She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
