I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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