In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
