Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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