so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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