i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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