I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
