you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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