My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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