do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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