Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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