What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
