I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
