I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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