I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
