whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
