1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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