just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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