whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
