There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
