I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
