5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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