I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
