Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
