I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
