What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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